Gracie hanging out in her exersaucer and sharing a few of her thoughts on life.

While looking through some documents on our computer, I “accidentally” came across a letter that Justin wrote to our youth group after we lost our first baby at nearly 10 weeks of pregnancy in April 2008.  While it was written to the students, I feel like it is written to me-God reminding me of his goodness through the fresh pangs of our loss and the redemption that his love alone can bring.

Hey Guys,

As most of you have heard, Sarah and I went through an incredibly tragic situation late Thursday night.  Some sharp pains in Sarah’s side sent us to the emergency room.  After a number of tests, we found out that Sarah was having an ectopic pregnancy.  Basically this means the baby was growing in the wrong spot and if it wasn’t removed, Sarah could die.  Needless to say, our hearts were broken and we have never been so sad in all of our lives.  When we found out what Sarah was going to have to go through to have the baby removed and how close we were to Sarah being in a life and death situation, we rejoiced because if we found this any later, I may have lost my wife.

We wanted to write you guys to ask you to continue to pray for us.  It has been the life blood of our recovery and we can definitely feel the love.  We have had visitors, well wishes, and phone calls of people sympathizing with us and to know that we all trust and follow the same loving God is amazing.

Guys, God is so good even in our tragedy.  Our prayer for you guys is that you can see that even though we don’t understand sometimes why things happen, it doesn’t make our Good Lord any less in control.  Even though we lost the baby, my wife was saved.  And our hope is that with this saved life, we can proclaim God’s love and goodness with every breath we have.  Just because we face trials in our lives doesn’t mean that God is any less “good.”  He is our constant and His character shines in both, the good and the bad, the easy and the hard.  Our prayer is that God will use the situation that we’ve been going through to teach each of you about His goodness and faithfulness and love. The bottom line really comes into play in this situation. God is in control, God knows what’s best, and God loves us.

We might not always understand the ways that God works, as it says in Isaiah 55:8-9

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Sarah and I are taking comfort because, Romans 8:17-18 says

“Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.  I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

We’re anxious to get back to you guys to pray and fellowship with you and know that your prayers for us are powerful and effective.

We love you guys and we’re praying fervently that God teaches you each something through this trial and others you may have gone through.

God is good…all the time.  We love you guys.

Thank you, Lord, for being my constant source of love, comfort, healing and refuge.

Happy 3 Months, Gracie!

-You are getting to be such a big girl!  You weigh about 13 lbs.

-You found your hands this month and you LOVE them.  You suck and gnaw on your fingers, fists and wrists in a variety of combinations.

-When you’re sitting in your car seat, bouncy seat or wherever you’re propped up, you arch your back and slide yourself down.  Mommy and Daddy are getting faster at buckling you in!

-Tummy time is going great!  You seem to enjoy it most after a nap when you have the most energy and are able to hold your head up high. 

-You rolled over for the first time on 11.16 from your tummy to your back.  You’re very close to rolling from you back to your tummy, but your little arm gets stuck under your belly and acts as a bump you can’t quite get over yet.  It’s pretty cute to watch you try.

-You are still wearing a size 1 diaper, but probably not for much longer.

-Just a few days before your 3 month birthday you got to meet your Uncle Dan and Auntie Lo for the first time!  You stayed up extra late to greet them from the airport and did not disappoint them with your cuteness.  They love you so much!

-Mommy and Daddy had you dedicated at your church (Calvary Chapel Gilroy) on 11.22.  What an awesome blessing to pray for you with a church and family that love you so much. 

-You just started making bubbles with your saliva and have begun to drool a lot more…uh oh, could these be signs of teething?

-You are also quite the little spitter upper!  You seem to “christen” those you love most!-Everyone says how much you look like your Daddy (with Mommy’s eyes).  

We love you Gracie!  Happy quarter year birthday to you, sweet girl!

We just spent a fantastic, all too short, can’t-wait-to-do-it-again-soon visit with the Harrell family.  John led worship at our church Sunday morning and then performed for a worship concert that night.  It was so much fun to spend time just hanging out talking, eating, laughing and praising.  Justin and I are so incredibly blessed by John and Cristin’s friendship and treasure our time with their family.  Spending time with them is like getting a nice big breath of fresh air.  We just “click” and it makes for a great time, every time.

Caleb “holding” Gracie

Jack “holding” Gracie.  He was such a love bug and never got tired of her.

Jack’s shirt says “Ladies Man”  Ha!Modeling one of the cute vintage outfits from the Harrell fam.  You guys spoiled our little girl!Heading out for our double date (thanks for watching the youngins’, Bek!)A picture of bromance.Cristin, you are one amazing woman.  I look up to you as both a wife and a mommy and am SO grateful for your friendship.  Thank you for letting me share so much and for being a listening ear and giving such loving wisdom.  It means so much to me.  You are a such a woman of God and He is so evident in you.  I loved our time at the park and I so wished we lived closer, but it makes me truly cherish the time spent together even more.  I heart you!This is what happens when I’m allowed to go out without my baby.  It aint pretty!Our cuties!  It’s so hard to take pictures of multiple kids!A Night of Worship

Dear John, Cristin, Caleb and Jack,

Come back soon!  We miss you already!

Love,

Justin, Sarah and Gracie

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Happy Two Months, Gracie!

-Your personality has emerged this month as you’ve gone from a newborn that just sleeps and eats to a baby baby.

-This month you met two special friends!  You met each of them before, but you were still in Mommy’s tummy:

Cousin Dylan Monroe Musial (and your Auntie Chris)

and Mr. Silas Richard Hauge (and his mommy, Joy).

-You are such a content girl and you never fuss when Mommy or Daddy change your clothes-you like dressing up in all of your cute outfits!  You’ve outgrown nearly all of your newborn clothes too-such a big girl!

-You’re still in size one diapers.

-You have officially found your thumb and love to suck on it when you’re sleepy.

-You LOVE the mobile over your crib!  Mommy and Daddy say it’s like crack for you because you could just stare and smile at it for hours!

-Speaking of smiling, you give the biggest grins all day long-while you’re getting changed, laying on your back playing, in your car seat, while sucking on your binkie/thumb, while nursing and sometimes you’ll be in the middle of a mini meltdown and you’ll stop crying for just a second to crack a grin.  It’s THE most adorable thing!

-You make and hold eye contact, often times with this infamous furrowed brow.

-You know Mommy and Daddy’s voices.-You weigh about 11 1/2 lbs (official measurements to come on Wednesday when you go to your two month appointment where you’ll also be getting your first round of shots-Mommy is trying to prepare herself to NOT be a bigger baby about it than you).

-You make the sweetest little “oooooo aahhhhh” sounds and Daddy says you’re practicing your vowels.

-After a lot of learning, for both you and Mommy, you’ve become a great little nurser.  PTL!

-You’re not a big napper during the day (*sigh*), BUT you’re are sleeping like a champ at nighttime with your longest stretch at nearly ten hours straight!!  Mommy is just enjoying it while it lasts!

-Your hair is starting to grow back in (the mullet is still going strong!).

-You currently tolerate bath time, but you don’t scream or cry during and Mommy and Daddy are thankful for that!

You are such a joy!  We love interacting with you and watching you discover new things everyday.  You are such sweet little girl and we love you so so much!

Last Friday Justin and I took Gracie to the pumpkin patch.  While she slept half the time, we had so much fun walking around, taking pictures and remembering all the times we’ve come in years past and thought about how fun it would be to bring our kids-and now we have this sweet little girl to dress up, prop up on hay bales and pumpkins and take a billion pictures of!  It was also a great place to get better acquainted with our super cool new camera.

Fall is my favorite and it’s great to remember God’s faithfulness this time of year!

there’s something about the way that you look at me that melts me completely

my heart swells and my throat tightens in the moments that I’m holding you, reminded of your complete innocence and helplessness

my desire to protect you, care for you, nurture you,

to love you,

is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt

there’s something about your little sighs

and the sound of your breath as you sleep that make me know that you are mine,

my sweet daughter,

my precious miracle,

my baby

I want to protect you from the world, yet I don’t want to spoil you

there’s something about your personality

and your crooked little smile that makes me feel like I’ve always known you,

that you’ve always been a part of my life, a part of me

I love that you need me,

that even the sound of my voice calms you when you’re crying,

that you know my touch, my arms, my smell

there’s something about having you in my life that makes me love your daddy more than ever before,

in a brand new way

a piece of him, a piece of me, the gift that is you

there’s something about being your mommy that makes me feel like I’m becoming more like God intended,

striving to be

loving,

patient,

gentle,

selfless

there’s something about being your mommy that makes me better understand the love of the Father

I love you, sweet girl. I love you more than words can ever express.

…how to use this!

Happy One Month Birthday, Grace Elizabeth!

-You are growing so much and so fast that you look different every single day.

-Over the past week you’ve started holding eye contact and tracking things with your eyes.

-You just graduated to a size one diaper, but they’re still a little big on you.

-Our favorite nicknames to call you are Little Worm because your neck is so wrinkly, Little Turtle because you make the cutest expression with your mouth open and lips puckered, Beauty/Beauty Queen because, well, you’re just the most gorgeous thing your Daddy or I have ever seen,  Beebers, and Sweet Girl.  That’s just what we’ve come up with thus far-your Mommy is silly and loves nicknames.

-You’re not on a “schedule” per say, but your routine is to eat every 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 hours.

-You respond awesomely to being swaddled when you’re tired.  It seems to soothe you almost instantly.  However, we refer to you as a Little Houdini  (Babydini) for being able to break out, no matter how snug we wrap you.

-You’ve given both your Daddy and Mommy a few smiles and we know they’re more than just gas because your whole face lights up and it makes our hearts swell.

-Your fussy times are in the late afternoon before your nap.  You fight sleep because you want to stay awake and join the party!

-You are SO sweet at nighttime when we put you to bed after you eat.  You’ll just lay in your bassinet, all swaddled up, and lay peacefully until you fall asleep.  We LOVE that about you!

-You usually only wake up once to be fed at night.

-The hair on the top of your head is falling out, but your little mullet is still long and lovely.

-Your cooing is the sweetest sound and you do it the most when you’re being played with or held.

Gracie Girl, you are the joy of your Mommy and Daddy’s life and we thank God for you each and every day.  We may be a little sleep deprived and tired, but every single moment we spend caring for you is worth it.  You are truly a miracle and we want you to grow up in a home full of the love that you deserve.